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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.