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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)