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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.