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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.