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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Is it bad when Iām talking to myself and Iām not even listening?
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?