Daily Silly Status

Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?

Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.

So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.

I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm

I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.

Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................

For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.

Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.

The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.

I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.

A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail

I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.

If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.