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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.