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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.