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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.