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I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work