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I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch