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A wise man once said nothing.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.