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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?