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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Attention fuels immaturity
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"