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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.