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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
It’s not pretty being easy.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.