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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
“The darndest things.” -kids
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?