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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.