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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
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Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?