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I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?