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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.