Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.