Daily Silly Status

I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.

We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract

I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.

According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.

Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.

FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.

I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.

I`m ready to regret having sex with you.

Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.

Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.

When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.

I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.

"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.

A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!