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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores