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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.