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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.