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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.