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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.