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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Soup of the day: Beer
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.