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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.