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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button