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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......