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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!