Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day