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When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...