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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.