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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Honk if you are reading this.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!