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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.