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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
never be afraid to wipe twice
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!