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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.