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I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!