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I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.