Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.