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I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling