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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!