Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.