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Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."