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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.