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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.