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I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.