Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.