Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Do bees even have knees?
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.