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Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?