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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!