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I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.