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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"