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My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360