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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
is available for rebound sex.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.