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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking