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When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.