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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!